On April 1, in the Year of Our Lord 2016, a man finally achieved adequacy. We gave him a trophy, and surprise-interviewed him about this historic achievement.
Deadspin: Tom! I’m here with Deadspin, a sports website. This trophy is for you. You’re adequate. An adequate man. How does it feel?
Tom Ley, writer and Adequate Man: [Short, terrified pause while he ascertains what’s happening]
Feels good. Feels great.
Deadspin: Would you say you made a good effort to achieve adequacy?
Ley: I gave it 110 percent.
Deadspin: Did you really? Because “adequate” doesn’t indicate 110 percent effort.
Ley: I gave it 85 percent?
Deadspin: Do you think more men, in the future, might become adequate?
Ley: Uh, no.
Deadspin: No, I don’t think so either. What defines an adequate man?
Ley: [Medium-length pause, edged with anxiety] Good shirts?
Deadspin: Just good? Not excellent shirts?
Ley: No. Just OK shirts.
Deadspin: Fair enough. I’m going to take this trophy back, because I actually just borrowed it.
Ley: Are you blogging this?
Congratulations, at long last, to a single man for finally becoming adequate.
Adequate photo by Anna Merlan