"Megatron's Butthole" Is Stopped Up

The Atlanta Falcons will ostensibly begin play this fall in their new stadium (with its eight-petal retractable roof, which Drew referred to as “Megatron’s Butthole” and now I cannot think of it any other way). Except: the stadium was supposed to be open by now. But it wasn’t ready, so they pushed it back. Then they pushed it back again. Now they’re planning to delay its opening even further, and it’s getting worrying close to football season.

There are even more construction “issues” with the retractable roof, and the Falcons have said they’ll update the timeline for the stadium’s completion within the next week.

“No announced event dates have been changed, and work is moving forward at a rapid pace,” Cannon said. “Many areas of the building are finished, and others are nearing completion. We are routinely working through the construction timelines with our partners, and with any building this size, scope and complexity, adjustments to construction timelines are expected.”

The stadium was initially set to open March 1, in order to host Atlanta United’s inaugural season in MLS. But when that was bumped back to June 1, and then to July 30, United was forced to cut a deal to play at Georgia Tech’s Bobby Dodd Stadium. This third delay may prove a mess: Georgia Tech needs their stadium after July, and it’s unclear where United will play.

And this new roof delay, however long it is, will put the stadium’s opening perilously near to when the Falcons will need it. The NFL schedule isn’t out yet, but last year the preseason began on August 11.

One obvious option is the Georgia Dome, which was formally closed earlier this month and is scheduled to be demolished. The turf has been torn up, but a rep for the stadium authority says that in a pinch, it could be made ready again for the Falcons.

If you want to track the progress of the world’s largest sphincter, the Falcons have multiple webcams set up here.