Here at Deadspin we’re not entirely opposed to making fervent valuations based exclusively on personal bias; but after releasing a highly contested ranking of pizza chains, we wanted to check our work. Five hungry and very stupid staffers, who failed to fully appreciate the gravity of what they committed themselves to, taste-tested pizzas from four of the top five ranked chains and also assigned a series of numbers to give the appearance of some scientific rigor.
While you might be thinking, “Wow, I can’t believe they stretched eating some pizza into a nine-minute video,” I am thinking, “Wow, I can’t believe we condensed three delirious hours of eating increasingly congealed pizza in a window-less room down to a mere nine minutes.”