Even the best PA scrapple fan (like me) can't eat 10 pounds of scrapple in a reasonable time. How about 1 pound of scrapple and a half-gallon of teaberry ice cream instead?
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I have informed the little boys next door that any toys left in my yard for more than two consecutive weekends becomes mine. So far all I’ve gotten is a broken shovel, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a nerf whatever. Read more

dear neighborhood kids - stop taking my squirtles! Read more

The obvious answer here is a scheme of injuring yourself on the table saw and then suing the landlord for leaving it there.

Incorrect. Your only legal option is to start a construction company.
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Non-legal advice: Do not behave in such a way that it becomes necessary for you to debate the extent to which you showed a little girl your dick.
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I believe the letters “F-A-T-A-L-I-T-Y” will appear over you and the victim in some sort of dripping blood font. Read more

A thousand knowing grins just spread across the land. Read more

The same word associated with a reprieve from political persecution or major tax evasion—that word also applies to recliner-bound bootleggers of HGTV shows such as Property Brothers Eat Pappardelle in Slow Motion and Designer Court: Carpets v. Drapes. Read more

The “throw away your box” business is strange. As someone who works in the industry, the box is always supposed to be returned to the company. You can trash the remote. But the box? Well that’s where the magic comes from since it is linked into the system with what programs you are allowed to watch. Even a minibox -… Read more

Any second thoughts, just read this pamphlet.

I just assume that everyone in Florida is committing some sort of crime. Read more

Quick update, in case anybody is interested: He actually ended up going into that good night quite gently. And it wasn’t so much that he was violent or anything (he was a scrawny guy), but the requests for me to take shirtless pictures of him for his gym progress...Tumblr(?), the casual remarks to my girlfriend that… Read more

I’d like to say this: if you’re reading this and in a shitty living situation, and getting out would be a hassle (but not impossible): DO IT. I lived with a person I hated for two years and literally the DAY after I moved out my mood/personality/outlook improved 5000%. If you are privileged enough to do so, take your… Read more

Dear Angelica Alzona,

“After all, you may call the police to remove from your front lawn the highly disagreeable folks who, against your clearly stated rules, insist on espousing their enthusiasm for India pale ale...” Read more

Actually, you have a legal right to do neither. Read more

Whomever lost that couch ottoman up and at least offer to cover the damages.
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My wife once ran over a box spring on the interstate, luckily no damage to her or the car. She had cars to either side and nowhere to go. I am convinced that there is about at least a 50% failure rate when people try to transport mattresses by car.
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I really feel like hiding it behind a hyperlink did a disservice to that lawyer photo.