Atlanta: Nationals 2, Braves 0
Suddenly, Jordan Zimmermann has established himself as the ace of the Nats' pitching staff. He allowed just two hits through eight innings while striking out eight. Bryce Harper left the game in the sixth with an apparent oblique injury. Stop being so unchill, Bruce Harper's oblique.

Vancouver: Sharks 3, Canucks 1
Roberto Luongo returns! The embattled goalie played well to start the game, but eventually squandered a 1-0 lead. The Sharks won on the road for just the ninth time this year.

Pittsburgh: Penguins 5, Islanders 0
Sidney Crosby is still out with a broken jaw, but that wasn't an issue for the Pens, who took Game 1 easily. The chances of the Islanders winning their first playoff series in 20 years are not very high right now.

New York: Celtics 92, Knicks 86
Well, that was awkward. After showing up to the game in all black in order to attend the Celtics' "funeral," the Knicks totally crapped the bed. Especially you, J.R. Smith. You crapped the bed real hard.

Indianapolis: Pacers 106, Hawks 83
This series continues to be impossible to predict. Both teams are equal in their mediocrity, and whichever one advances might as well be decided by a coin flip.

Oklahoma City: Rockets 107, Thunder 100
If you didn't believe that Russell Westbrook was extremely important to the Thunder's success, you should now. Aside from letting Kevin Durant try to take on triple teams, the Thunder didn't have any answers last night. You know things are bad when a one seed has to resort to a…

I didn't notice him until the second time I watched it, but he is by far the best thing about this video. Read more

Um, yes. Read more

Atlanta: Braves 8, Nationals 1
Tim Hudson hit a homer! Sort of!

Miami: The only good thing about the Marlins goes away
Mike Stanton says he is going to be out for a month due to a strained hamstring. There is officially no longer any reason for anyone to ever watch or go to a Marlins game.

Cleveland: Indians 14, Phillies 2
Oh, Roy Halladay. Oh no. Halladay gave up eight earned runs and three homers in three-and-two-thirds innings. The Indians continued to crush the ball even after he was yanked, and finished with seven home runs.

Saint Louis: Blues 2, Kings 1
Kings goalie Jonathan Quick played great all game, until he decided to do this in overtime:

Chicago: Blackhawks 2, Wild 1
The NHL's most dominant regular season team got its first playoff victory thanks to an overtime goal from Bryan Bickell. All that sex really paid off.

Los Angeles: Grizzlies 103, Clippers 93
Zach Randolph led the way for the Grizzlies with 25 points and 11 rebounds, scoring 10 of those points in the fourth quarter. But it was Blake Griffin's secret ankle injury, which he suffered during Monday's practice, that was the difference. He played only 20 minutes and scored…

Denver: Nuggets 107, Warriors 100
The Nuggets aren't dead yet. They pushed the series to 3-2 by finally doing the things that they are good at doing: scoring in the paint, forcing turnovers, and grabbing rebounds. So that was encouraging. Not encouraging is the fact that they almost blew a 20-point lead in the fourth…

This guy deserves a raise. He really did handle that like a fucking pro. Read more

Update: The recipient of the ball was a woman with sunburst dreads. Yeah, that's pretty awesome hair: Read more

Did he make a fantastic troll face like the one above on the podium after that game? If he did, then you might have a point. Read more

Toronto: Raptors want to make Phil Jackson team president
Yeah, Raptors, for sure. I think that will totally work out. I mean, why wouldn't Phil want to move to Toronto and be president of a historically awful franchise? No, yeah, you should just keep calling him. I'm sure he'll pick up eventually, he's probably just…

Los Angeles: Rockies 12, Dodgers 2
The Rockies battered the Dodgers to the tune of 19 hits, and scored all 12 of their runs in the first five innings. The blowout did lead to the Dodgers allowing Skip Schumaker to pitch the ninth inning, though. So that was cool.