Sometimes, I wonder what we did in those dark years without the Internet and, more recently, without Twitter. Friday was one of those days, as I sifted through a Twitter search for a hashtag dubbed "WireDerbyHorseNames." Warning: Omar's coming, yo.
As far as I can tell — that is, as far back as Twitter's search function extends — this gem of genius can be attributed to The Wall Street Journal's Jason Gay, who, presumably, took similar, television-themed Derby horse name hashtags and turned his attention to The Greatest Television Show Of All-Time. His first three names — Proposition Joe, Carcetti and Hungry Man — were fairly conventional, taking the hashtag quite literally. But of course, the beauty in naming Kentucky Derby horses rests not in actually naming them after characters from The Wire, but rather, naming them after catchy ideas and pithy quotes from the show. (There are exceptions. Like, Poot.) So that concept soon began to spread, and it wasn't long before the masterpieces rolled in, fewer than 140 characters at a time.
There were the character-based names:
Cool Lester Smooth
Snoop's NailGun
Stringer's Betrayal
avon calling
Lester's Dollhouse
Prezbo
Where's Wallace?
HercAndCarv
Wee-Bey'sFish
Poot
Vondas Vondopolous
You're A Sobotka
Alma Dearest
Bunny, You Look Hellacious
Bubbles Red Hat
Wee-Bay The Soldier
Ziggy & The Duck
Always Boris
Bub's Whiteys
Bought It on WeeBay!
Fuzzy Dunlop
Bubbles Depo
Dookies Piss Ballon
Detective Freamon's Tweedy Impertinence
Then, there were names devoted only to Omarisms:
The Game Is Out There
Farmer in the Dell
omar's sawed off shotgun
Gottahavemyhoneynuts
I Robs Drug Dealers
I Got The Shotgun, You Got The Briefcase
Omar's Vendetta
Man with a Code
Play or Be Played
Oh, Indeed
On a Sunday Morning
OmarComin
all in the game
no doubt
Then came the memorable quotes and anecdotes and institutions:
My Name is My Name
King Stays the King
Shit Was Unseemly
Good Police
Hamsterdam
Hamsterdamn
IWantMyCorners
Pussii
Shot and a Beer
Much Obliged
Money Aint Got No Owners
The Dickensian Aspect
Baby Booking
The Cheese Stands Alone
40 Degree Day
Doing Real Police Work
Smart Ass Pawn
tasty cake
The Sunday Truce
Money Be Green
That's Some Spiderman Shit Right There
How My Hair Look?
Rip and Run
New Day Co-Op
Wars End
Window Jumper
Murder Aint No Thang
Fight On That Lie
This ... is BULLshit
Later For That Gangsta Bullshit
Giving a Fuck When It Ain't Your Turn To Give A Fuck
Look the Part, Be the Part
You Happy Now Bitch
Heard That WMD Is The Bomb
Chain Of Command
Follow The Money
PAN-demic
Tweedy Impertinence
Some Spiderman Shit
I Made Him Walk Like That
The Fraudulent Red Ribbon
Nut Deep In Random Pussy
Heaven and Here
Where's My Harpers?
Ain't Never Gone Be Slow
All In The Game
Goodnight Po-Po's
Yellow Tops
Crab Chips and Snapple
Juke The Stats
Shitbird
Got Got
Game Is Rigged
And, maybe my favorites, variations on Clay Davis's preferred expletive:
Sheeeeeeeit
Sheeeeeeeeeeeit
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit
[reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedacted]
Oh, indeed.
#WireDerbyHorseNames [Twitter]