Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit; ever ...
• College basketball: OK, Davidson's win over Georgetown was pretty big, but this headline is overdoing it.
• NBA: The Lakers bandwagon is moving much faster thanks to the loss of all that extra weight. Golden State 115, LA 111.
• Novak Djokovic, Ana Ivanovic win Pacific Life Open titles. Everyone sing the Sebian national anthem!