Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* A first-round exit just means more time to spend on the boat! He's basically doing the exactly same thing Patrick Kane is doing right this second, only without a creepy guy with white gloves following him everywhere. (With bonus Speedo pic if you dare.) [Alex Ovetjkin]
* Boston and L.A. will play a Game 7. I say we call it a draw and just declare that both cities/teams are equally hated. [AP]
* Mark Mulder "guess"es that he is now retired from baseball. Sort of like how George Bush "supposes" he's not the president anymore? [AOL, via Bugs and Cranks]
* Speaking of retirements, Chipper Jones may call it a career at the end of this season? (Holy crap, he's 38?) But will they really let a retired person keep a name like Chipper? [Atlanta Journal Constitution]
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Wednesday. Oh, look more soccer...