Thank god ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER is still anonymous. Last I heard, he was going to the dentist drunk. Read more

Surprisingly, Pete is 22 years old in that pic — drugs are a helluva drug. Read more

I usually finish shaving there too, but sometimes the morning gets a little wild and I’ll end up doing a little shaving in the hallway or the kitchen, and even finish out on the stoop. Read more

Reading that someone seriously considers Harry Potter a halloween movie shook me to my core. Might be the worst serious take i’ve heard all year. Read more

WTF, no opinion on diagonal staples? So much better, and less chance of tearing. Read more

“Greater than/less than” symbols beyond the education level of your average Stoolie, to the surprise of nobody. Read more

+ (building) 7 Read more

Jet Fool puts belt on real seams.
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A racist, sexist, ignoramus with early-onset dementia gets elected President of the United States. Read more

We’ve reached Peak Fantasy when the anti-fantasy-sports takes are worse than listening to someone talk about their fantasy team. Jesus Christ, that was a death march in text form.
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Martha is humblebragging her stupid livestock here, but hey man, prices at the Hudson News are outrageous. If you wanna shell some eggs and take them on the plane for some valuable protein, I won’t bitch.

Since it’s actually ironic, there’s no place for it in that song. Read more

So they’re just there so he won’t get fired (at)? Read more

I’d watch what I say about Barkley. You know what he’s capable of...

The 2017 New York Jets: Where Are They Now? Read more

Photographic proof that you’re right. Drew taking a selfie with Kaep:

True story: All the Deadspin writers are really Drew Magary sock puppets. That pic of Tom up there? Just Drew with a beard and glasses. Read more