Seattle: The Mariners trade for Aaron Harang
The Rockies traded Aaron Harang in exchange for god knows what because I refuse to actually spend time finding out the details of a trade involving Aaron Harang.

Chicago: Giants 7, Cubs 6
Hey look guys, the Cubs blew a five-run lead. But at least it wasn't Carlos Marmol's fault this time! The Giants scored all of their runs in fourth and fifth inning.

Detroit: Tigers 11, Blue Jays 1
That potentially vaunted Blue Jays pitching staff continues to be not very vauntworthy. Former Marlins ace Josh Johnson left the game after one-and-one-thirds innings and surrendering six runs.

Oakland: Thunder 116, Warriors 97
Steph Curry and his jump shot were able to keep this one close for the first half, but the Thunder exploded in the third quarter to put it away. Kevin Durant was just two assists shy of a triple double.

Chicago: Bulls 118, Knicks 111
This was a weird game, in that Carlos Boozer was the tallest guy on the court all night. That probably had something to do with Carmelo Anthony grabbing 19 rebounds and Nate Robinson scoring 35 points.

San Diego: Dodgers 3, Pirates 2
Fight! We got our first bench-clearing brawl of the season, and this one had consequences. Zack Greinke decided to do his best strong safety impression when Carlos Quentin came charging at him, and Greinke ended up breaking his own collarbone. Matt Kemp is NOT happy about this.

Augusta: The Masters begin
Wait, nevermind, this is peak whiteness.

Durham: Peyton Manning works out with Wes Welker
And they did it at Duke! Peyton Manning throwing spirals to Wes Welker on the Duke campus is peak whiteness.

Boston: Nets 101, Celtics 93
You shouldn't care too much about the result of this game, but you should care about Brandon Bass's monster dunk, which he followed up with a pretty good troll face.

Denver: Nuggets 96, Spurs 86
If this was football, the Nuggets would be that annoying team shouting, “NEXT MAN UP!” Wilson Chandler filled the void left by Danilo Gallinari with 29 points, and Andre Iguodala chipped in with a 12-10-13 triple double. Scrappy team, those Nuggets!

Portland: Lakers 113, Blazers 106
This one became a shootout between Damian Lillard and Kobe Bryant. Lillard finished with 38 points and nine assists, but Bryant edged him with 47 points, eight rebounds, and five assists. Bryant's recent heroics have been fun to watch, but the Lakers will still get destroyed in the…

Philadelphia: Phillies 7, Mets 3
The Phillies won, and Dom Brown hurt a baseball. He hurt it very bad.

Boston: Orioles 8, Red Sox 5
The Orioles came up to bat in the top of the ninth inning down 5-3, and finished the inning up 8-5. The rally started with Chris Davis's solo shot, and was capped off by a three-run homer from Manny Machado.

Salt Lake City: Thunder 90, Jazz 80
Just another ho-hum win for the Thunder. But that didn’t stop Kevin Durant from having a good time.

San Francisco: Giants 9, Rockies 6
Tim Lincecum: still not very good. The Rockies: even worse.

Los Angeles: Lakers 104, Hornets 96
Kobe Bryant had to go into hero mode to save this one. He scored 23 points in the fourth quarter to lead a comeback against a terrible Hornets team and keep his team’s hold on the eighth seed in the Western Conference. It’s rather sad that this is what the Lakers’ season has come…

Seattle: Astros 16, Mariners 9
The Mariners surrendered 11 runs in the first four innings. The Astros hit five home runs. The Mariners’ starting pitcher, Brandon Maurer, did not make it out of the first inning. The Mariners somehow managed to be more miserable the the Astros

Houston: Rockets 101, Suns 98
Yeah, so shit got pretty weird at the end of this one.

New York: Knicks 120, Wizards 99
The Knicks stay hot, winning their 13th game in a row and capturing a division title for the first time since 1994. Oh, and they won with only one semi-serviceable big man yet again.

New Orleans: UConn 93, Louisville 60
Well, that was ugly. UConn gets its eighth NCAA championship after demolishing Louisville. Star freshman Breanna Stewart led the way once again, finishing with 23 points and nine rebounds.