Miami: Mike Piazza in a ballet performance?
Mike Piazza in a ballet performance.

New York: Yankees 4, Diamondbacks 2
The Yanks took this one thanks to Robinson Cano's three-run home run in the fourth. The fans at the stadium also sang "Sweet Caroline" after the third inning in honor of Boston. It was very nice.

Atlanta: Braves 6, Royals 3
Jesus Christ, all the Braves do is hit home runs and win games. They hit five homers in this game to extend their winning streak to 10 and their season record to 12-1.

Cleveland: Red Sox 7, Indians 2
In their first game since the marathon bombings, the Sox won big, tagging Indians starter Ubaldo Jimenez for seven runs in the second inning. It was an emotional night.

Boston: Bill Iffrig finishes Boston Marathon
So, this guy is pretty great.

Chicago: Blackhawks 5, Stars 2
The Blackhawks are starting to put together yet another impressive streak, as last night's win gives them six straight and makes them 8-0-1 in their last nine games.

Cincinnati: Reds 4, Phillies 2
Yeah, so this is just an excuse to link to that Ben Revere catch again. Holy shit was that good.

Bristol: Brittney Griner taken with no. 1 pick in WNBA draft
The 6-foot-8 center, who changed women's basketball forever, was taken with the first pick of the draft by the Phoenix Mercury. Chicago took Elena Delle Donne with the second pick, and Skylar Diggins went third to the Tulsa Shock.

Milwaukee: Nuggets 112, Bucks 111
The Nuggets clinched home-court advantage in for their first-round playoff series thanks to Ty Lawson's game-winning jumper in the lane.

Cleveland: Heat 96, Cavaliers 95
All of the Heat's stars were resting, which meant it was time for Norris Cole to step up. Cole finished with 16 points, nine assists, and 11 rebounds. He capped off his night with a game-winning steal, too.

Miami: Nationals 10, Marlins 3
The Marlins continue to be an embarrassment and now sit at 2-11. At least nobody has shown up to watch them lose six of seven home games this year.

Fort Worth: Man shoots himself in the head
At the NRA 500.

Miami: Phillies 2, Marlins 1
Roy Halladay bounced back from two bad outings and dominated the dead-ball era re-enactors known as the Marlins.

Phoenix: Diamondbacks 1, Dodgers 0
Josh Beckett pitched brilliantly until the bottom of the ninth inning, when a dribbler from Paul Goldschmidt snuck into right field and gave the D-Backs a walk-off win. Sucks to be Josh Beckett.

New Orleans: Mavericks 107, Hornets 89
Dirk Nowitzki became the 17th player in history to score 25,000 career points, and the Mavs finally got back to .500. You know what that means, right? Dirk shaved his beard!

Los Angeles: Lakers 91, Spurs 86
The Lakers won their first game since Kobe Bryant's season-ending injury, thanks to Dwight Howard deciding to play like Dwight Howard. The big man finished with 26 points, 17 rebounds, and the approval of his hobbled and bitter teammate.

Washington, D.C.: Braves 9, Nationals 0
The Braves are very good! Justin Upton mashed his seventh home run of the season, and Paul Maholm pitched like an ace for the second straight start. The Braves are now 11-1.

Augusta: Adam Scott beats Angel Cabrera to win the Masters
The hot Australian guy beat everyone's favorite chain-smoking uncle on the second hole of a sudden-death playoff. The playoff came as a result of both men making rather miraculous shots on 18, only one of which was capped off with an awkward bro-five.

San Diego: Dodgers 3, Padres 2
Fight! We got our first bench-clearing brawl of the season, and this one had consequences. Zack Greinke decided to do his best strong safety impression when Carlos Quentin came charging at him, and Greinke ended up breaking his own collarbone. Matt Kemp is NOT happy about this.

Augusta: 14-year-old Tianlang Guan shoots 1-over at The Masters
Guan was the talk of the tournament on the first day, so allow us to cut through the noise and be your ambassadors of Guan.