Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Well, well, look who showed up in Bill Simmons's chat last night. Simmons has responded by scrubbing all satirical representations of Boston-area sports fans from his book.
• Great game — Mike Lupica was very nearly delivered into one of his "In a town called New York" deliriums. Still, it's probably worth noting that the Celtics played a grand total of about five minutes last night (and those with Rondo hopping on one foot and chucking passes into the loge seats), and they still managed to shrug off the Knicks and joyously face-plant themselves into the Garden floor.
• Joakim Noah is out 8-10 with a bad thumb. Don't worry. It's still healthy enough to cover the carb.
• David Stern calls union decertification — a procedural tactic that every union keeps at its disposal during labor negotiations — a "nuclear option." Meanwhile, David Stern wants $800 million of the players' money.
• Rich people are getting into some weird horsey cowboy shit.
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Good morning.