It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be.
1. Clemson (6-0) Last week: 1.
The Tigers aren't the only team to have beaten Auburn anymore. But they did add Boston College to the list of teams they've defeated, with a 36-14 home win. Now if only Boston College would go play Arkansas, we could really sort things out.
2. LSU (6-0) Last week: 2
Jarrett Lee threw a first-quarter touchdown pass and averaged 15.4 yards on 10 passing attempts; Jordan Jefferson threw a fourth-quarter touchdown pass and averaged 15.3 yards on 4 passing attempts; the Tigers beat Florida, 41-11. Oh, and Spencer Ware and a bunch of other people ran the ball 49 times for 238 yards. LSU probably doesn't have to worry about figuring out its optimal personnel packages.
3. Oklahoma (5-0) Last week: 3
The Sooners beat Texas, 55-17, on the road, in a game where Oklahoma's defense had 130 yards and 3 touchdowns on fumble and interception returns. Two weeks ago, if you recall, Oklahoma had 12 first-place votes in the AP poll. Since then, they've beaten Ball State and Texas by a combined score of 117-23. This week, they got 8 first-place votes.
4. Wisconsin (5-0) Last week: 4
The Badgers had the week off, to give the student body time to develop child-friendly insults to scream at future opponents.
5. Stanford (5-0) Last week: 5
Andrew Luck blah blah Heisman credentials blah blah blah 370 yards and 3 touchdowns to beat Colorado, 48-7. The part of the story about Stanford having a "rare sellout crowd" is a nice touch, though. Not just nerd-os: bandwagon nerd-os! Also there was more of this:
The strong-armed and fleet-footed quarterback called his own plays again for long stretches, although the no-huddle offense first displayed last week against UCLA was used sparingly.
Fine, put him on the ballot for Liberty Mutual Coach of the Year, too.
6. Oklahoma State (5-0) Last week: 6
Kansas scored a touchdown on its first possession against the Cowboys to take a 7-0 lead. And if the Jayhawks had gotten touchdowns on the next 10 possessions too, they could have won the game. As was, Oklahoma State had the rare opportunity to get credit for sportsmanship and ferocious domination in the same game, as they scored on eight consecutive possessions—averaging 84 seconds per drive—and pulled the starters before halftime on their way to a 70-28 win.
7. Georgia Tech (6-0) Last week: 9
Randy Edsall's Maryland Terrapins ""whipped our tail pretty good in the end," Tech coach Paul Johnson said. He meant toward the end, when the Terps scored a pair of frantic touchdowns. In the end, the Terps were losers, again, 21-16
8. Michigan (6-0) Last week: 10
The Wolverines beat Northwestern in a game where the line score made it look like both teams did OK: MICH 7 - 7 - 14- 14, NW 14 -10 - 0 - 0. Actually, that adds up to 42-24. Optical arithmetic illusion.
9. [Vacant] Last week: 11
Everyone lower than this spot has either lost to somebody or has gone undefeated without playing anybody. Nobody is convincingly No. 9.
10. Arkansas (5-1) Last week: 15
The Razorbacks beat reigning national champion Auburn, 38-14. That's sort of a self-devaluing win, since it means the Tigers are now a two-loss team.
11. (tie) Alabama (56-0) Last week: 12
11. (tie) Auburn (4-2) Last week: 8
The reigning national champions drop out of the top 10 with their second loss. But they're still the reigning national champions, unlike Alabama, which beat Vanderbilt, which is not Auburn, 34-0.
13. Boise State (45-0) Last week: 13
The Broncos' Friday game was already included in last week's standings. Also it was against Fresno State.
14. South Carolina (45-1) Last week: 14
The Gamecocks beat Kentucky, 54-3. The highlight of the game story was this:
Spurrier concentrated so hard on his offense that he spoke after the game for 30 seconds about the decision to keep defensive lineman Melvin Ingram off the field because of an injured foot before someone broke in and told him Ingram played several downs, making a solo tackle.
"He did?! I thought his uniform was clean," Spurrier said, smiling and laughing.
Hyuk! Th' Ol' Ball Coach got so gosh-durn excited about scorin' all them points, he din't even notice his best player was playin' hurt. Steve Spurrier now lives in special realm for veteran coaches. First he was an unstoppable genius at a big-time college program, then he was a feckless failure in the pros. So now he has dropped back out of the grown-up world to settle in at a second-class program, acting the part of "Steve Spurrier," there to win more games than he loses, get the fans excited, and put some fear into the really serious boys every now and then. In other words, he's the football-cracker Rick Pitino.
15. Kansas State (5-0) Last week: 16
The Wildcats stayed undefeated by beating Missouri, 24-17. Also they're not Kansas. Two things to feel sort of proud about.
16. Illinois (6-0) Last week: 23
Beat Indiana, 41-20. When the Illini scored a touchdown to make it 20-13, coach Ron Zook got confused and called for a two-point conversion rather than kicking the extra point. Afterward, he explained the strategy to reporters:
‘‘We were down five, right? Up five, I mean,'' he said. ‘‘It was 20-13? Up seven?''
If only Andrew Luck played for Illinois, he could totally have walked Zook through that.
17. Houston (6-0) Last week: unranked
Houston joins the Top 25 Or So by being undefeated after six games. It gets the No. 17 slot because win No. 6 was over East Carolina, 56-3. That's the kind of game big-time football programs use as a tuneup before they go out and show what they really can do. But East Carolina is who Houston plays when it's really playing. Up next: Marshall.
18. South Florida (4-1) Last week: 17
The Bulls had the week off.
19. West Virginia (5-1) Last week: 18
The Mountaineers beat Connecticut, 43-16, as you would have expected them to, if you cared enough to pay attention to Big East football, but why would you?
20. Virginia Tech (5-1) Last week: 19
The Hokies had a dramatic win over Miami, 38-35, inasmuch as a game that means nothing to anybody can be dramatic.
21. Baylor (3-1) Last week: 20
Quarterback/statistical oddity Robert Griffin III's campaign to have more touchdown passes than incompletions this year died quietly as the Bears beat Iowa State, 49-26, with Griffin throwing one TD and eight incomplete passes. That's 19 TDs for the year, against 28 incompletions. He's still completing more than 80 percent, and he rushed for 107 yards and a touchdown against the Cyclones.
22. USC (4-1) Last week: 21
The Trojans had the week off. Have you read A Fan's Notes?
22. Navy (2-3) Last week: 16
The Midshipmen got thumped by Southern Mississippi, at home, 63-35. But no one will care about that as long as they beat Army, which lost to previously winless Miami of Ohio.
120. Texas (4-1) Last week: 6
Old business plan, step one: Show your school's football games on your own breakaway sports channel. New business plan, step one: Get a football team.