It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be.
1. Clemson (7-0) Last week: 1.
Beat Maryland, 56-45. Terrapins coach Randy Edsall has already matched last year's loss total by his fired predecessor, Ralph Friedgen.
2. LSU (7-0) Last week: 2
Beat Tennessee, 38-7. Starting quarterback Jarrett Lee threw for 143 yards and two touchdowns and never ran the ball; former starting quarterback Jordan Jefferson threw for 8 yards and ran for 73 yards and a touchdown. If they were one guy, and the one guy had never been arrested, he'd be in the Heisman race for sure.
3. Oklahoma (6-0) Last week: 3
Kansas's defense was 23 points better against the Sooners than it had been the week before against Oklahoma State. That meant Oklahoma only won 47-17. Ryan Broyles had more than twice as many yards receiving as Kansas's entire passing offense put up, 217 to 108.
4. Wisconsin (6-0) Last week: 4
Every time I type up the Wisconsin result, my brain gets stuck on a mashup of an old Sports Illustrated feature headline with the Geto Boys: Damn, it feels good to be a Badger. This week: Wisconsin 59, Indiana 7. Quarterback Russell Wilson caught a touchdown pass for variety. Montee Ball rushed for 142 yards, averaging 10.1 yards per carry. The average score of a Wisconsin game is now 50.2 to 9.7.
5. Stanford (6-0) Last week: 5
Let's skip over Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck's 336 passing yards and 4 touchdowns and go to the very end of the game, when Washington State quarterback Marshall Lobbestael marched his team 79 yards in 4:12, converting a fourth-and-8 along the way, finishing on a one-yard touchdown carry, to cut Stanford's lead to 38-14. And then? The Cardinal ran the kickoff back 96 yards at the gun to make it 44-14.
6. Oklahoma State (6-0) Last week: 6
Even the Associated Press is taunting Texas now:
Twice Oklahoma State's Jeremy Smith took a handoff, hit the line of scrimmage and braced himself to get smacked.
Instead, there was nothing but yards of green field, the burnt orange end zone and the groans of nearly 100,000 Texas fans in front of him.
Smith ran for 140 yards on seven carries, scoring on runs of 30 and 74 yards straight up the middle of the defense...
Cowboys 38, Longhorns 26.
7. Michigan State (5-1) Last week: unranked.
Till this week, the Spartans' season had been defined by their embarrassing early-season loss to a previously winless third-rate team. Now it's defined by the fact that they own their intrastate rivals, as Michigan State will graduate a senior class that has never lost to Michigan. MSU 28, Michigan 14. The year is a success. Congratulations, Spartans.
8. (tie) Alabama (7-0) Last week: 11
8. (tie) Auburn (5-2) Last week: 11
Alabama beat Ole Miss, which is not Auburn, 52-7. So the Alabama paradox unfolds: The more teams the Crimson Tide slaughters, the less each win means. Alabama's true opponent is the possibility of ever losing, of wasting its accomplishments so far and falling short of a national championship. And Auburn. Auburn is the other true opponent. The Tigers, conversely, are playing with house money. They have the last national championship, and their chance of repeating it is pretty much gone. So they beat Florida, 17-6, stay respectable, and draw another circle around the circles around the Alabama game on the calendar.
10. Arkansas (5-1) Last week: 10
The Razorbacks were idle. This week, their loss to Alabama seems more germane than their win over Auburn.
11. [Vacant] Last week: 9
Solid top 10 this week. Might as well keep a little breathing room between those teams and everybody else.
12. Boise State (6-0) Last week: 13
The Broncos set a school record with 742 yards as they opened their first Mountain West season by blowing out Colorado State, 63-13, and began looking for yet another conference to join so the BCS can keep ignoring them. Colorado State got an extra-point kick blocked.
13. South Carolina (6-1) Last week: 14
Quarterback Stephen Garcia got kicked off the team, running back Marcus Lattimore suffered a season-ending knee injury, and our Heisman favorite, defensive lineman Melvin Ingram, was still limping with a foot sprain, not that anyone really cared enough to write about his condition. If Steve Spurrier doesn't notice what's going on with his best player, how is anyone else supposed to? The Gamecocks, or what was left of them, beat Mississippi State, 14-12. The professional writers and editors of Associated Press described the winning touchdown play as "indefensible."
14. Kansas State (6-0) Last week: 15
The Wildcats were outgained by Texas Tech, 580-339. "They don't do anything special," Tech coach Tommy Tuberville said. Except scoring the last three touchdowns of the day, to win 41-34.
15. Houston (6-0) Last week: 17
The Cougars had the week off. A Google search for "Houston football" pulls up not only the Houston Texans but Major League Soccer's Houston Dynamo before it gets to the University of Houston athletics site. The Dynamo play the Los Angeles Galaxy this weekend.
16. Washington (5-1) Last week: unranked
Are the Huskies really any good? This week, they'll find out when they have to play Stanford. Till that happens, they're 5-1, undefeated in the conference, and coming off a 52-24 win over Colorado. Nice week to be Washington.
17. Louisiana-Lafayette (6-1) Last week: unranked
The Ragin' Cajuns beat North Texas, 30-10, to become bowl-eligible. They've won six games in a row since a season-opening loss to Oklahoma State—and they did a lot better against Oklahoma State than Kansas did.
18. USC (5-1) Last week: 22
The outlaw Trojans beat Cal, 30-9, forcing 5 turnovers along the way. Opportunistic scavenging! The new USC way.
19. Penn State (6-1) Last week: unranked
Won their homecoming game against Purdue, 23-18. And they're bowl-eligible, like Louisiana-Lafayette.
20. West Virginia (5-1) Last week: 19
Idle. Did you notice?
21. Virginia Tech (6-1) Last week: 20
Beat Wake Forest, 38-17. Did you notice?
22. Illinois (6-1) Last week: 16
The sting of the 17-7 upset by Ohio State will fade, and Illinois fans will be able to appreciate the fact that losing to Ohio State was considered an upset.
120. Michigan (6-1) Last week: 8
Michigan State took the field in special green-and-bronze Nike Pro Combat uniforms. In a surprise move, Michigan showed up in "legacy" uniforms by Adidas that included pants that were white instead of the usual maize.
"Bronze." And you still couldn't beat them. Put your yellow pants back on and try to focus on playing what's left of your football season.