It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be.
1. Clemson (3-0) Last week: unranked.
The Clemson Tigers did what nobody else had done in 22 months: beat Auburn. The other Tigers, the undefeated reigning national champions, went into Death Valley and took a 14-0 lead. But Clemson outscored Auburn 38-10 the rest of the way. Yes, Clemson hasn't played a road game yet, and the Tigers had to rally to survive their game with Wofford the week before. So what? They beat the champ. For now, that puts them on top.
2. LSU (3-0) Last week: 4
The Times-Picayune reported that 18 LSU players signed a statement declaring that suspended quarterback Jordan Jefferson and linebacker Josh Johns had nothing to do with the bar fight in which they're charged with battery. Meanwhile, non-suspended quarterback Jarrett Lee went 21-for-27 for 213 yards as the Tigers beat Mississippi State, 19-6, in Starkville, Miss.
3. Oklahoma (2-0) Last week: 3
In the reboot of "Florida State: Almost The Best," the Sooners played the role formerly played by Florida or Miami: The real contender who clearly outplays the Seminoles, getting six sacks in a 23-13 win, on the road.
4. Baylor (2-0) Last week: 5
The Bears put up 545 yards on Stephen F. Austin before the game was called for lightning in the third quarter, with Baylor ahead 48-0. The AP reported that quarterback Robert Griffin III
has the incredible stat of having as many touchdowns as incompletions — eight of each.
5. Stanford (3-0) Last week: 6
Andrew Luck was a perfectly fine 20-for-31 for 325 yards and 2 touchdowns, as the Cardinal beat Arizona in Arizona, 37-10. But Stanford also put up 242 yards rushing. When do the NFL draft fantasies switch from drafting Luck to drafting his line?
6. (tie) Oklahoma State (3-0) Last week: 7
6. (tie) Texas (3-0) Last week: 7
Oklahoma State took the opening kickoff from Tulsa after midnight, thanks to extended delays caused by violent rainstorms. The game ended at 3:35 a.m., and the Cowboys won, 58-33. If this were the Wacky 25 Or So, the Cowboys could move ahead of Texas. But the Longhorns, led by newly installed starting quarterback Case McCoy, collected a nice, straightforward 49-20 win over UCLA on a pleasant day at the Rose Bowl.
8. Wisconsin (3-0) Last week: 9
The Badgers outgained Northern Illinois, 621 yards to 237, outscored the Huskies 49-7, and so on. Particularly lopsided detail from the AP: Northern Illinois "got past midfield just once in the second half." Wisconsin is good. Northern Illinois is not anywhere near as good as Wisconsin.
9. South Florida (3-0) Last week: 13
Florida A&M held the ball longer than the Bulls, winning the time-of-possession battle, 30:47 to 29:13. The Rattlers also won the turnover battle, 3 to 2. Despite those handicaps, South Florida won the game, 70-17, with 745 yards of total offense.
10. [Vacant] Last week: 11
More teams seem qualified to be the 11th-best team this week than the 10th.
11. South Carolina (3-0) Last week: 12
Thanks to a fourth-quarter touchdown run by Marcus Lattimore—his third of the day, to go with 246 rushing yards—the Gamecocks rallied to beat Navy, 24-21. We're still voting Melvin Ingram for the Heisman.
12. Auburn (2-1) Last week: 1
Auburn falls from reigning champion to the third-best Tigers on the list.
13. Boise State (2-0) Last week: 16
The Broncos beat Toledo, 40-15. Did Toledo's kicking game put up 5 field goals? No, Toledo's kicking game missed two extra points.
14. Alabama (3-0) Last week: 21
Beat North Texas, which is not Auburn, 41-0. But Clemson lifted a little of the Crimson Tide's burden of indignity by ending Auburn's winning streak.
15. Michigan (3-0) Last week: 17
By clobbering Eastern Michigan, 31-3, while Western Michigan beat Central Michigan and Michigan State got whipped by a mediocre football program, the Wolverines solidified control over their state.
16. Navy (2-1) Last week: 15
South Carolina is not Army. The Mids are fine.
17. Arkansas (3-0) Last week: 18
Beat Troy, 38-28, as Ronnie Wingo rushed for 109 yards and 3 touchdowns. Better than losing to Troy.
18. West Virginia (3-0) Last week: 22
Came down out of the mountains to beat Maryland, 37-1331, in the annual contest to determine which of the two is second-rate and which is third-rate.
19. Virginia Tech (3-0) Last week: 19
Beat Arkansas State, 26-7. That's the kind of thing a No. 19 school does.
20. Texas A&M (2-0) Last week: 20
Beat Idaho, 37-7, at home. Maybe they can join the WAC.
21. Florida State (12-1) Last week: 10
What's the war chant for "Just another ACC team going nowhere in particular?"
22. Miami (1-1) Last week: unranked.
Beat Ohio State, 24-6, in a test of strength between wounded outlaw programs.
23. Ohio State (2-1) Last week: 2
Not quite as gifted at outlawry as the U.
24. USC (3-0) Last week: unranked
Oh, hi, we were just talking about wounded outlaw programs. Beat Syracuse, 38-17
120. Maryland (1-1) Last week: 23
Dropped their bold flag-helmet gimmick and switched to their main Under Armour mix-and-match gimmick, this one with matte-finish helmets and McDonaldland Ninja Underoos—farewell, Maryland pride; hello, Oregon of the East. And like Oregon, they're losers.