We continue our year-by-year look back at the decade with the year 2008, back prohibition was the law of the land, back when Benjamin Franklin was running for his unprecedented fourth term as President. Simple times.
JANUARY
Heath Ledger overdoes on prescription medication. Barack Obama wins the Iowa democratic caucus, but Hillary Clinton wins the New Hampshire primary. The first outdoor hockey game is played in the Buffalo snow. Illinois is destroyed in the Rose Bowl. LSU beats Ohio State to win the mythical college football championsihp. Italy's government collapses. Dana Jacobson drinks vodka out of the bottle on stage at a Mike and Mike Celebrity Roast. J.E. Skeets leaves Deadspin. The Fed slashes interest rates by .75 percent, the largest in the bank's history. Brett Favre throws an interception in his last pass as a Green Bay Packer. Will Leitch's "God Save The Fan" is released. Georgia Frontiere, Bobby Fischer, Johnny Podres and Sir Edmund Hillary die. Bush proposes a stimulus plan. Bobby Jindal becomes the youngest governor in the nation at the age of 36. Chris Berman gets extremely angry.
FEBRUARY
Kosovo declares independence from Serbia. Bob Knight resigns from Texas Tech and is hired by ESPN. Roger Clemens testifies before Congress, poorly. John McCain dominates on Super Tuesday, and Ralph Nader announces he will run for President. Myron Cope, William F. Buckley and Roy Scheider die. No Country For Old Men wins Best Picture. The world learns that Fire Joe Morgan is one-third run by Mose Schrute. A gunman kills six students at Northern Illinois University. The writer's strike ends. Brady Quinn is accused of trying to start a fight outside a gay club. Fidel Castro cedes control in Cuba. The Giants pull off a shocking victory over the Patriots in the Super Bowl. David Tyree never plays again. Sean Salisbury leaves ESPN.
MARCH
Brett Favre "retires." A crane collapses in New York City. John McCain claims the Republican nomination for President. Davidson reaches the Elite Eight. Barack Obama gives his "race speech" in Philadelphia. Arthur C. Clarke and Anthony Minghella die. Jose Canseco accuses Alex Rodriguez of taking steroids and trying to sleep with his wife. A.J. Daulerio joins Deadspin as a full-time writer. New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigns after reports of continued "contact" with prostitutes. Hulu goes live. Billy Crystal fouls a pitch off Paul Maholm in spring training. Bob Costas calls bloggers "pathetic, get-a-life losers." The United States suffers its 4,000th casualty in Iraq.
APRIL
Buzz Bissinger yells at Will Leitch on HBO's "Costas Now." Charlton Heston and LSD maven Albert Hoffman die. The Knicks fire Isiah Thomas. Harold Reynolds settles his lawsuit against ESPN. Mets fans Rick Roll Shea Stadium. Hamid Karzai survives an assassination attempt. Danica Patrick wins her first Indy Car race. Kansas beats Memphis to win the NCAA championship. Matt Leinart drunken photos hit Web. ESPN nixes a Bill Simmons-Barack Obama podcast. "Farmer Wants A Wife" debuts.
MAY
Microsoft withdraws its bid to buy Yahoo. The New York Daily News reveals a decades-long affair between Roger Clemens and country-music star Mindy McCready. Tony Kornheiser retires from newspapers. Tim Tebow tells SI.com he spent his spring break circumcising children. An earthquake in China kills as many as 68,000 people. Bill Simmons tells Deadspin about his anger with ESPN, saying "promises were not kept." Harvey Korman and Sydney Pollack die. The California Supreme Court rules in favor of gay marriage. Greg Maddux wins his 350th game. Ted Kennedy is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Michael Jackson attends UFC 84.
JUNE
Barack Obama secures the Democratic nomination for President. Tiger Woods wins the US Open on one leg, outlasting Rocco Mediate. Big Brown finishes last in the Belmont Stakes. Khalid Shaikh Mohammed is arraigned at Guantanamo Bay. The Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup. Rick Reilly debuts on ESPN.com. Big Daddy Drew reveals himself to be Drew Magary. The Boston Celtics destroy the Los Angeles Lakers to win the NBA Finals. George Carlin, Stan Winston, Tim Russert, Jim McKay and Bo Diddley die. Gov. Schwarzenegger declares a drought in California. Will Leitch leaves Deadspin to work for New York magazine and is replaced by new editor A.J. Daulerio and senior writer Clay Travis. Leitch is roasted. Shaquille O'Neal asks Kobe Bryant how his anus tastes.
JULY
Rafael Nadal beats Roger Federer in a four-hour, 48-minute Wimbledon final. President Bush lifts the ban on offshore drilling. Anthrax suspect Bruce Ivins kills himself. Alex Rodriguez is spotted sneaking out of Madonna's apartment. Estelle Getty, Bobby Murcer and Jesse Helms die. Ted Stevens is indicted on seven felonies. Josh Hamilton hits 28 homers in the first round of the Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium. The Dark Knight is released.
AUGUST
Jay Mariotti leaves the Chicago Sun-Times, and Roger Ebert destroys him. Violence explodes in Georgia. (The other Georgia.) The Olympics begin in China: Michael Phelps dominates, the Redeem Team redeems, Usain Bolt sets a world record and President Bush touches lady butts. The Red Sox trade Manny Ramirez. Barack Obama chooses Joe Biden as his running mate and delivers a nomination acceptance speech at Invesco Field in Denver. John Edwards admits to cheating on his wfie. Gene Upshaw, Isaac Hayes, Bernie Mac and the world's tallest woman die. John McCain chooses Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate. Brett Favre unretires and is traded to the New York Jets.
SEPTEMBER
John McCain accepts the Republican nomination for President and brings Sarah Palin's extended family on stage with him. Tom Brady busts his knee in the season opener. Chuck Klosterman's "Downtown Owl" is released. The economy explodes: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are absorbed by the government, Bank of America is forced to buy Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers goes under. Vince Young melts down. Matt Millen is finally fired. Obama and McCain debate. A.J. Daulerio excretes himself after a night drinking with Linda Cohn. Don Haskins, the movie trailer guy and Paul Newman all die. Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium close. Chris Cooley puts a picture of his penis on his blog.
OCTOBER
Two more Presidential debates. Economy really collapses. The Rays reach their first World Series, but the Phillies are World-effing-Champions. The GDP shrinks for the first time in 17 years. Police are called to Isiah Thomas' home after he overdoes on sleeping pills. The Senate passes a bailout plan. Clay Travis leaves Deadspin. Connecticut legalizes gay marriage. Colin Powell endorses Barack Obama.
NOVEMBER
Barack Obama is elected the 44th President of the United States. Californians vote down gay marriage. Congress rescues Citigroup. Baby Mangino is introduced. Jason Whitlock wishes he could poop. Michael Crichton and Pete Newell die. Terrorist attacks in Mumbai kill more than 170 people. Fire Joe Morgan retires.
DECEMBER
President-elect Obama appoints Hillary Clinton to Secretary of State. Bernie Madoff is arrested and admits to a massive pyramid scheme. O.J. Simpson sentenced to nine years in prison. The Yankees sign Mark Teixeira, CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. The Tribune Company files for bankruptcy. Illinois Gov. Rod Blogojecvich is accused of attempting to sell Obama's Senate seat. Some asshole Cairo-based "journalist" throws his shoes at President Bush. Eartha Kitt, Harold Pinter, Dock Ellis, Mark Felt, Sammy Baugh and Bettie Page die. The Lions finish 0-16.