It's time for Waxing Off, the only Internet feature to turn down federal stimulus bailout money. This week's topic: The scourge of the Lingerie Football League.
Cameron Frye:
Remember when the Lingerie Bowl was something special and filled with such top notch celebrities like Willa Ford, Adrienne Curry and Real World Las Vegas roomie, Trishelle? Most thought the concept was dried up and done when there wasn't a Lingerie Bowl to entertain the masses during this year's Super Bowl. But have no fear; they're back and better than ever! I might be pushing it with the last statement, but they're back with an entire league and look for the jiggle fest to be heading to a rec center parking lot near you!
Considering how accessible porn is these days and what we've all seen on the internet, is there really a need for a traveling circus of half naked broads who'll run around in tiny costumes tackling each other while trying to catch a football?
I just re-read that and that has to be the stupidest question ever.
Of course there is! Who doesn't want to watch a bunch of hot girls rolling around in the dirt? There's the chance for an ‘oopsie!' and really, who doesn't love an ‘oopsie!'? These ladies are more than likely going to be very accessible since it's the first year of the league and they'll do whatever to promote, so here's to hoping they have Daddy Issues and you're on the receiving end of some ‘Daddy didn't love me' sex or better. And honestly, ladies, you know you'll be watching just to see one of these ladies lose a tooth or two or disfigure one and other. Is it wrong to want to see what it's like when an implant bursts?
— Cameron Frye can be followed on Twitter.Com/CameronFrye.
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Sonya:
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Thankyouthankyouthankyou for this opportunity to meet amazing girls just like me and show everyone my athletic skills. The breast enhancement was sooo worth it! This is an awesome way to show the world I'm beautiful inside and out. And I'm talented! I loveitloveitloveit. Except I'm worried about the full contact thingy but i know the other girls are just as scared as me about breaking a leg. Pleasepleaseplease don't let me break my leg or my arm or i'll only be able to get head shot modeling assignments and that is so not fair to these boobs. Okayokay, I'm really gonna take this seriously and meet lots of people and get modeling jobs and publicity and really awesome friends and kick butt!
Ladies, ladies! Don't believe a lingerie league could be something serious! Buried deep beneath those double dees, your heart knows otherwise. While there will be moments during the games when you feel like you're truly involved in a sport, fans will know better. What bugs more than the silly Lingerie Football League is that seemingly somewhat intelligent women believe it might lead to a little respect. The league name calls a spade a spade. Chrissakes woman, it starts with "lingerie." Hearing that word, the male brain gracefully makes its exit.
LFL founder Mitchell Mortaza unintentionally revealed his next venture, Ultimate Catfighting, when he described what it's like to have a beautiful girl "knock another girl's head off.... It's something to behold." He followed that with this nugget of advice to the ladies about the football: "Don't catch it with your boobs. Don't catch it with your face." Solid stuff. No pristine boobs a bouncin', no pretty face, no job. Oh, and "it'll hurt."
— Sonya strongly suggests all sports be played commando. Her website is Sports Slant.
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Bay Area Claire:
Lingerie Football League? The existing Professional Women's Football Leagues aren't good enough? Yeah, those women frighten me, too.
But a Lingerie Football League? No, this won't capture my attention for long. I'll check them out, judge their looks, then move on to new things.
Most men will have a similar short attention span when they view LFL games. They'll watch and be captivated with the players' girl-on-girl contact, replays in slow-motion, physical assets (real and otherwise) — but only for a minute or two.
After those intense two minutes, these men will suddenly be overcome with the desire for a nap.
After a refreshing nap, the men will awake and possibly be mesmerized enough to start the cycle all over. If anything, the LFL will be there when these men desire to, uh, nap.
In addition, comic-book/sci-fi convention attendees will probably fall victim to the LFL. This league will be their only contact with sports-aside from practicing their choreographed light saber battles. They'll put aside their Star Trek uniforms and superhero capes as they find a new sense of machismo as they watch the women.
It's killing two birds with one stone — and we know those guys like efficiency. They may even share the same nap routine as the other set of men.
Even with this loyal fan base, the LFL won't last. But hey, maybe it will last long enough for Octo-Mom to find a spot on a team and pay for those 14 kids.
— Bay Area Claire won't be found supporting the LFL, but can be found salivating over the start of MLB's season. Cyber-stalk her at Examiner.com, Bleacher Report, or follow her on twitter. She's everywhere.
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Dee Karl:
Lingerie Football League? What? This is a "Saturday Night Live" skit, right? You're not serious are you? There really IS such a thing? Wait, is it sponsored by Playboy Magazine or Cosmo? Is it supposed to be to prove "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" with 'balls' or just another form of soft porn? Seriously... I don't get this.
Tell me some sponsor is trying to create just a female football league (of their own) and I'll say, cool! There are probably a few women out there who would LOVE to be able to play football (real football) in shoulder pads and spandex pants and padded butt cheeks. I can't imagine any real athlete wanting to play in satin bustiers and chiffon baby-dolls.
Sexist marketing and the women who are looking for anything to get a nudge for their careers. Nothing exactly wrong with that, but seriously... who are they kidding? Call this what it actually is; a photo shoot for job seeking models and their new boobs.
— Dee Karl is the 7th Woman on the NYI Blog Box Crew.