Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* Gus Johnson listens to himself calling the next Madden game. Or they're making a sequel to "Radio." Could go either way. [Twitter]
* The 2012 All-Star Game will be held in Kansas City, prompting most Royals fans to ask, "What is this 'All Star'?" [MLB.com]
* The NFL begins its push for an 18-game season, by presenting the player's union with the plan they intend to shove down their throats. [NYTimes]
* Kendrick Perkins is out for tonight's Game 7, which is awesome or devastating depending on when you placed your bets. [Boston Herald]
* They already lost their goalie, now South Africa's coach may be suspended for their last game after saying that referee Massimo Busacca "is the worst referee in the tournament" and "does not deserve to be here." Also, the guy can't play a vuvuzela for shit. [Yahoo]
* And just because, here's a bike crash.
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One of these days ... bang, zoom ... oh good, breakfast is here.