Hustler's "This Ain't ESPN XXX" DVD is scheduled to be released the end of October and it is full of absurd Bristol-boinking fantasies that would make most ESPN fan fiction writers blush: "Her anchor partner John Buccigross has the hots for this blonde headed piece of ass and he fucks her right on the set while the ESPN producers film the whole thing!" Hey now!
Hustler's kind marketing department supplied us with some stills, a character list, and the synopsis of the entire film because I presume they thought we'd enjoy this sort of thing. Sadly, most of the actors don't resemble the ESPNers they portray, as you can tell by the two actors cast to play Sara Walsh and John Buccigross:
And here's the actress playing Erin Andrews:
Uh huh. Have no fear, though, because the graphic rundown of all the sex scenes they provided should be enough to fuel your Worldwide Leader-inspired masturbation sessions. Sadly, no rug race reenactments were incorporated into the screenplay:
Synopsis
TITLE: This Ain't ESPN XXX
Scene 1 Erin Andrews
Description: Erin Andrews loves to hangout in locker rooms with naked football players! Today she is investigating a new performance enhancer that is making offensive linemen grow huge cocks. She is proud to undress and get plowed by that huge cock. She hopes everyone is watching so there is no mistaking that girl is a hot slut!
Talent: Alanah Rae and Lee Stone
Scene 2 NBA Lockout
Description: The NBA is in labor negotiations so the players head to Europe to get some playing time. These big dick NBA studs love playing- playing with hot Euro sluts who can't get enough NBA dick! McKenzie works her way to the locker room where she is fucked and loaded by big Jack. He leaves his U.S. pride all over her slutty face.
Talent: Mckenzie Lee and Jack Napier
Scene 3 Sara Walsh
Description: Sara is the newest piece of ass in the sport center studio. She is easy to get hot since men surround her all the time. Of course, she is an attention whore and she needs dick to improve her self-esteem. Her anchor partner John Buccigross has the hots for this blonde headed piece of ass and he fucks her right on the set while the ESPN producers film the whole thing!
Talent: Britney Amber and Rocco Reed
Scene 4 Angela Sun and Shawn [sic] White
Description: Shawn White doesn't know when to quit. He's a skater, surfer, and now a rally car driver. ESPN's Angela Sun is a big fan of Shawn's and she loses her reporter's objectivity when she meets Shawn in the hospital after a bad crash. Shawn thinks he's feeling beeter when she takes off her clothes and sucks his dick. He's definitely recovered by the time she gets his dick in her pussy and he's ready for his next X games challenge when he blows his load all over Angela's very supportive face!
Talent: Asphyxia Noir and Danny Wylde
Scene 5 Danica Patrick
Description: Danica is not happy about her new outfit for Go-Daddy. She wants to race cars and be a classy lady but G-Daddy has other ideas. Get this whore in a teensy outfit and exploit her hot fucking body! When she makes a deal to her domain names back she does the deed- and more- she gets tooled and re-tooled till her engine is humming then she eats a hot load of fuel to get her hot ass in gear!
Talent: Brooklyn Lee and Otto Bauer
Fin.
A call into ESPN's public relations machine for some sort of comment has not been returned yet, but I will update it as soon as those fellas call me back. They should be pleased with this. Until then, if you'd like to inquire more about this film closer to its release date, you can head over to Hustler.com full in the knowledge that its website is NOT AT ALL SAFE FOR WORK AND WILL PROBABLY GET YOU FIRED.