Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* Speaking of local color, it wouldn't be Japanese soccer without unexplainable cosplay.
* To add insult to incredibly bad goalkeeping, England's Robert Green reportedly broke up with his leggy blonde lingerie model girlfriend just weeks before the World Cup began, proving that there is absolutely nothing this guy can't let slip through his fingers. [Daily Mail]
* Albert Pujols gave folks a scare when he got bonked in the head with an errant throw, but stayed in the game and still went a perfect 3-for-3 with two walks in a Cardinal win over Seattle. So he really is rubber and you're glue.... [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
* Was your father a seismologist or was the Blue Jays-Padres game at Petco Park interrupted by a minor earthquake? [MLB.com]
* LeBron James reportedly "would not oppose" the hiring of Tom Izzo, because what does he care who coaches his old tea... I mean ... he's staying out of it and refuses to talk Izzo about his plans. Boy, I will never get tired of this story! [ESPN/Twitter]
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Who's ready for some early morning soccer?