Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Norm G. sends along this screengrab from your favorite show and mine, America's Nutpunch and Slide Trombone Hour. Is that Jim Rome in the studio audience? Is that Michelle Beadle? Is this like one of those weird TV deals where a character from, like, Newhart shows up on Murphy Brown or something, and the universe momentarily folds in on itself?
• So it's Jets vs. Colts, Ravens vs. Chiefs, Packers vs. Eagles, and Saints vs. the NFC West Participation Trophy.
• Peter King says of Brett Favre: "It's really over this time, I'm told." I don't know why Peter King does this to himself.
• Eric Mangini is out.
• And so begins the long offseason of New York writers reminding us of just what a classy organization the Giants are.
• This anonymous UConn football player is pissed at Randy Edsall, Maryland's new coach.
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Good morning, happy new year, etc. Sorry for the slow start today.