According to an anonymous tipster, the residence halls at Baylor were recently clogged with semen, leading to this desperate plea from one residence hall's director. Sadly, it's a fake, as our brief conversation with the hilariously put-upon director confirmed.
First, the letter. It reads:
[dormitory name] Residents,
Over the past several semesters we have noticed an increasing amount of blockages throughout the Residence Hall plumbing systems. While the majority of blockages have been due to hair, we are alarmed to find that a contributing factor is human semen. This is simply unacceptable. We are young men at an upstanding Christian university. This is not the way of Baylor University students, and more importantly, this is not the way of Jesus.
We ask you to stand strong in the face of these temptations of the flesh for not just your morality, but also for sanitary reasons.
The director—who asked not to be named, since he's already getting "a lot of heat" from university officials—sighed a lot when we talked to him, and he confirmed our suspicions that the letter was a prank. A humorous one, in our opinion, that we nonetheless felt compelled to bring to your attention. The little stop sign at the end really seals it. Kudos, you hairy-palmed Baylor students, you.
*****
Thank you for your continued support of Brett Favre's Meat Spin. See you tomorrow.