Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* Laker fans—completely unfamiliar with the concept of winning—naturally torched their own city out of confusion and fear last night. Why does their team leave them no choice but to lash out like this? [LA Times/You Been Blinded; Photo via AP]
* Rasheed Wallace had to be removed from the referee's locker room after Game 7, I guess because he loves those guys so much he just had to say goodbye. With hugs. Around their necks. [ESPN/Twitter]
* Meanwhile, Chicago's marathon celebration enters Day 52 with no end (to the booze) in sight. Does Patrick Kane realize that they won't take the Stanley Cup away from him if he happens to fall asleep? [YouTube/TMZ]
* Professional golfers—completely unfamiliar with the concept of being terrible—struggled to break par during the first round of the U.S. Open. It's almost like they want it to be a challenge! [Mercury News]
* Two memorabilia collectors say their Pete Rose bats are cork-free. However, they were filled with old betting slips from Churchill Downs. [Cincinnati Enquirer]
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Morning. Did you realize that it is not the same time in South Africa as it is here? It's like Sunday or something. Get ready.