Saturday is LeBron James Appreciation Day in Akron, Ohio. Not scheduled to attend: LeBron James. Meanwhile, young children hope to win his heart with a flash mob. Just stop it right now.
The people of Ohio have basically let it be known that there is no level of humiliation that they will not lower themselves to, should their lord and master only request it. They even hired sky divers! Surely, New York City would not do such a thing for their hero. But wouldn't he respect you more if you held on to a little of your dignity?
Are you really comfortable having underprivileged children perform unannounced choreographed dance numbers in suburban malls just to get a basketball player to like you? The plot of a "CSI: Miami" episode from 2005 just doesn't feel like the right way to go. Have you tried just making him some cookies or something?
Look, you like the guy and that's perfectly understandable, but at least make an attempt to play it cool. Be coy. Maybe even hard to get. No more late night texts. No more billboards. Definitely no more beards. The constant high pressure sales tactics are a big turnoff. Wait a few more weeks, then maybe send him an email telling him that you're thinking of him. He'll get the picture and your inevitable walk of shame won't feel so dirty.
2010 NBA free agents: Akron throwing party for Lebron James; will he attend? [AP]
Pro-LeBron flash mob breaks out at Tower City [Cleveland Magazine]
Does Cleveland really want to face the bald truth with LeBron? [Plain Dealer]
[Image via I Love The Hype]