If you are like everyone, tonight you are going to a holiday party.* To get along in what can be a tricky social situation (and not sound like a total jerk), here's some party tips and key NFL information.
For Those Throwing A Holiday Party:
Here's the two tips you really need
Tip 1: Don't do a theme. For no reason should you throw an ugly sweater party.
Tip 2: Get a lot of stuff to drink.
For Those Attending A Holiday Party:
Here's the three tips you really need
Tip 1: Bring something people will actually drink. Bottle of wine? WRONG!!!! Hey, this party is awesome, crack open that Chianti! Bring hard liquor, bottled beer or champagne.
Tip 2: If they have guest soap out, use it. It's the holidays.
Tip 3: Hey! I saw that- don't look at my wife that way buddy!
That is all.
Some NFL conversation starters: Brady's finger is hurt, fantasy football playoffs, Eagles/Giants play tomorrow, concussions are crazy, are the Dolphins good?, hot cheerleaders, *looks around* hey, are you attracted to Vernon Davis too?
Also, if a guy asks you what the spread of a certain game is, chances are he has no idea what he's talking about- he just wants to look smart. Just tell him you put four and a half fish on the Jets to double the over.
*If not, I am sorry for your recent divorce/breakup/prison sentence.
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Well, that's all I have for the day. I had a great time, thanks again to AJ and the Deadspin team for letting me edit. To the Commenters: you've been wonderful, thanks again for all the tips and the laughs.
Sunday: AJ will be back to guide you through the NFL games and other sports news.
Take it away Tim, Lars and Matt: