Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Two fat women fighting in the street." Tonight's commentator: A.J. Daulerio, editor of Gawker, former editor of Deadspin, LSD enthusiast.
I've watched this video countless times since I was assigned to "review" it and I've done so not even out of obligation.
Yes, there is a pretty scrappy fight between two comically obese women dressed in Forever 21 sleepwear but this one actually gives the viewer some brilliant scenography, even though it's accidental.
Other than "talking shit," we don't know why these two have decided to go at each other like two angry wildebeests in the Okavango.
But watch it again and ignore the combatants and I'm sure you'll see why. Look at the sagging fence, seemingly ashamed of the overgrown landscaping that's crowded its space. Because what is a cheap wire fence good for if it can't even frame a frontyard?
The mailbox lid is open. That tells you everything. That is why this fight happens. And that is exactly why this fight should happen. Enjoy.
And now, the rest of your Tuesday Night Fights:
• Per a camera-angle interloper, this is "an average night in Chi-Town, average night in Chi-Town." Specifically, it's 4:30 a.m. in Greek Town, in HD. (Start of Violence, 3:01)
• They take footwear very, very seriously in the Lil Haiti section of Miami. As well they should. (SoV, 8:54)
• Say, do you know either of these dudes in " Martial arts instructor gets 1 punch knockout***STREET FIGHT***"? If so, do tell them to get in touch with TNF. Either/or would be a marvelous guest reviewer. Particularly the "INSTRUCTER." (SoV, 0:11)
• In a stunningly impressive show of bravery in the face of adversity, a lad at 9th and Broadway begs to please be left alone on Sunday night. Because it's the Lord's Day. Ok, not really. Because he just wants the violence to end. (SoV, instantly)
• Your Back-To-School Punch-In Ceremony Footage:
• Violence goes against everything that the Tulsa State Fair is supposed to be about. Damaging that long-standing commitment to family values were these ladies here. (SoV, 0:02)
• If you had Flint, Mich. in the "First U.S. City to Go All Thunderdome on Dat Ass," claim your prize. (SoV, 0:27) Runner-Up: Detroit, eastside.
• I wouldn't go so far as to call this a " Hooker Turf Battle on Las Vegas Strip with Teenage Pimp Caught in the Middle." But whoever filmed it in late July did. We should take them at their word, right? (SoV, more verbal)
• Down goes the guy who shouldn't have been fighting in the street! Down goes the guy who should have been fighting in the street! (SoV, instantly)
• Bros With Nunchaku Gone Wild! (SoV, 0:25)
• Your Back-To-School Punch-In Ceremony Footage, Part Deux:
• This was a remarkably non-fighty-violent week in YouTube Philly. So, here's the 1987 pregame brawl between the Flyers and Canadiens. Chico Resch is up in this bitch. (SoV, 0:12)
• From TNF's Beijing Correspondent Anthony Tao comes this hospital fracas in which a "Father Attacks Nurses After They Improperly Give IV Drip To Son." Attention to detail, yo. (SoV, 0:25)
• In what's becoming a semi-regular San Antone update, a bus driver baits and swings at a teenage girl. Not baits in an Idiocracy sense; baits as in gets all yappy till punches is thrown. (SoV, 1:00)
• Ladies address their differences of opinion in a gas-station parking lot. (SoV, instantly)
• Your "Knocked the fuck out? Knocked the fuck out." Intermezzo:
• Got some weird positions goin' down in this here foreign battle. (SoV, instantly)
• Two lads come to blows in this fall's swashbuckling adventure, "Dorm Night Brawl." (SoV, 0:13)
• Others: "Road Rage Brutal Street Fight Caught on Camera (Graphic Video)." "big street fight (part 1)." "Rocker vs Gangster fight - Gangster gets K.Oed [ 18 + ]" " BU Athlete Charged in Street Fight." "Crazy Chick Fight." "Dysheka Baker getting beat up Ghetto Fights." "Street Fight with Skateboarders."
• Your "2 Girls brawl in the hood. 1 gets her neck twisted 360 degrees" Coda: