Some of you are not old enough to remember the Cabbage Patch Riots of 1983, a dark time in our history when lawlessness ruled; where roving gangs of middle-aged women in housecoats would beat you senseless for a children's doll. Above is one of my favorite videos of all time, in which, at about the 40-second mark, a desperate clerk climbs atop his department store counter and threatens rampaging shoppers with a baseball bat.
I hope that you survived today unscathed. At least one poor Wal-Mart employee did not.
At a Long Island Wal-Mart, an employee was trampled and killed by onrushing shoppers this morning when they opened the doors.
Wal-Mart Stores Inc. in Bentonville, Ark., called the incident a "tragic situation" and said the employee came from a temporary agency and was doing maintenance work at the store.
"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. ... I literally had to fight people off my back."
An indication that the economy is improving, or that bargains are more precious than ever? My theory is that people are just pricks.
But if you're one of those lucky kids who scored a Cabbage Patch Kid on Christmas morning, please pause for a moment to recall your parents' great sacrifice. Ask nicely and perhaps they'll show you their scars.
Cabbage Patch Riots [YouTube]
Wal-Mart Worker Does After Shoppers Knock Him Down [ABC News]