Well, my fellow Americans, we've got... HEY! Stop putting misspelled captions underneath pictures of cats for ONE SECOND and pay attention here. We've got basketball playoffs for you, and if you don't pay attention to the regular season, you at least start becoming aware of pro hoops around this time. There are two games this afternoon, as well as hockey, tennis, racing ... something for everyone. There's also baseball, but if you need some guaranteed quality baseball, try NES's Legends of the Diamond. Sandlot baseball for Hall of Famers. It's Field Of Dreams without corn.
Now for today's listings:
• 12:30 p.m. — NBA Playoffs: Wizards at Cavaliers, Game 1. Which team wants to lose to Boston in five games more? [ESPN]
• 1:00 p.m. — NHL Playoffs: Flyers at Capitals, Game 5. NBC? But my TV only gets Versus and the Lifetime Movie Channel. [NBC]
• 1:00 p.m. — Women's Tennis: Family Circle Cup, Charleston, South Carolina. I wasn't aware the WTA allowed comic strips to sponsor tournaments. [ESPN2]
• 1:30 p.m. — Women's Golf: LPGA Ginn Open, second round, Reunion, Florida. It won't be safe to drink if you leave the gin open all weekend. [CBS]
• 3:00 p.m. — NBA Playoffs: Suns at Spurs, Game 1. I've heard these two teams have played before, and are not fans of one another. Can someone fact-check this for me? [ABC]
• 3:00 p.m. — GOlf: PGA The Heritage, third round, Hilton Head, South Carolina. A Tradition Unlike A Few Others. [CBS]
• 3:00 p.m. — IRL: Indy Japan 300, Motegi. Losers of the race, per Japanese game show rules, will be kicked in the balls. (Or vagina.) [ESPN]
• 3:30 p.m. — MLB: Depends on your place of residence. [FOX]
• 4:00 p.m. — Golf: Champions Tour, Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am, Lutz, Florida. No ratings, just right. [NBC]