• Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend does all the positions, and all you have to do is take her to parties and give her money. [Unprofessional Foul]
• Mike Piazza and Jeff Garcia are twins. And yet they look nothing alike. [The Big Lead]
• When skilled 12-year-old girl basketball players make the boys look bad, it's time to start dropping the ban-anvil. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• It's White Sox and Angels tonight. Wait, the White Sox are in first place? [The Place To Be]
• Just when Jon Lester beats his cancer, how his father has it. [Center Field]
• Joe Borowski will return as the closer. Wuh-oh. [Waiting For Next Year]
By